Kim Jong Un Is Pissed At A Turtle Farm For Not Producing Lobster(?) And I'd Hate To Be Working At That Turtle Farm

WorldPost – North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un is furious with terrapin farmers for incompetence and failure to breed lobsters, according to a stinging report carried by state media on Tuesday.

Kim expressed his supreme displeasure with Taedonggang Terrapin Farm for being out-of-date — and worse, not revolutionary enough — during a tense visit reported by official newspaper Rodong Sinmun. He was particularly angry that a two-year-old lobster breeding project never got off the ground, calling it a “manifestation of incompetence, outmoded way of thinking and irresponsible work style.”

Okay right out of the gate I’ll be honest with everyone. I think the main reason why I think this story is so hilarious is because I keep picturing Kim Jong Un in my head walking into the terrapin farm and screaming out “Where the fuck is all the robster” in that Team America Kim Jong Il voice.

But other than that, I think this is where I finally start to feel for ol’ Kimbo Slice. Obviously the guy just doesn’t realize how this shit works. And it sucks because someone definitely gave him some lobster to eat a few years ago, he got a taste of how delicious it is and has been trying to recreate that ever since. I bet those dickbags in South Korea have a Red Lobster on every corner just to taunt the great leader. Meanwhile he has these dumbass idiots working for him who can’t even figure out how to turn a damn turtle into lobster and he’s finally getting fed up with it. You would too if you were in his position. And how terrifying does it have to be for all those farmers right now? The other week Kim Jong Un blasted his defense chief with an anti-aircraft gun just for falling asleep in a meeting. He probably liked that guy at least a little. He definitely doesn’t give a shit about a few terrapin farmers. So if they don’t figure out how to completely alter all of biology quickly, they might take a few live grenades up the ass. And you thought your job was hard.